The First few months

Let me take you back to the first few weeks/months after the initial stroke. I don't remember much, but I am aware of feeling very confused, and puzzled as to what had happened, and why it had happened to me. I hadn't done anything so why was I left helpless?

Physio - that felt like a giant waste of time, as I couldn't move my arm, much less grip anything, so how the hell was I to push my fingers through plastacine? How could I pour myself a drink, and why couldn't I go to the kitchen to make a hot drink? "Because your arm is too weak, you could severly burn yourself". I kept asking the same questions about food for the day, or what I was supposed to be doing. (Even now, I have times where I cannot remember a thing, and I'm convinced locations to be, such as shops, are somewhere else).

Exhaspiration was a daily occurance, especially when it came to doing simple things, like tieing laces, or getting a drink. Even being clean was difficult, as I was to "Not be left alone at any point incase I fell in the shower, or drowned in the bath". What the hell? How could I drown in a bath?

More of the same for the majority of the time, I had to learn to walk so to speak, all over again. Even now, my speech isn't perfect, and in rare cases what I say makes no sense, and isn't understood by anybody.

 

The run up to Christmas

This is a time of year where, typically I'm very angry and usually anti Christmas.

Let me take you back to a time where, hardly anyone knows about, having never been through it, and not really aware of it. This blog is designed to help raise awaireness, and although it's ten years in the making, Soon you will be able to see how hard it is for someone who has suffered a stroke to do daily tasks such as pouring a glass of water, or tieing a shoelace. Basically in short, everything I had used to be able to do, and take for granted was gone. What the hell was I to do now?

 The Begining.
One afternoon, I wasn't feeling too clever, with a headache, but I just brushed it off as just that, why wouldn't I? I went to school as I usually did (I was 15 at the time) , and suddenly for seemingly no reason, I couldn't control my arm, No matter how Hard I tried, there was no strength, or range of movement in it. Then the next minute my arm started gentle tremors, which lasted the remainder of the day, so I started to sense something wasn't right. I hadn't done anything physical (Now I can't), and So I knew I ouldn't put it down to over exerting myself. I was scared, I'll be honest, I felt helpless, as I was fast tracked to the hospital, and to this day, I have no real recollection of what was said that day after this point, or how I got there.

I'm making it up?
Early on in my diagnostic process, one Doctor, who will remain nameless, in part due to nobody being able to remember her name, partly, She stated that "It's all in my head, because I have no friends, or no father". Charming.

No I'm not!
13 people arrived to my ward room and paid me a visit. Not bad for someone who isn't really ill.

I remember feeling a bit sad when my visit was over and I would be going home, Maybe it wasn't sadness, it was a feeling of fear. At this point, my arm had gone from gentle tremors, to violent movements which extended from just my hand, all the way up to my shoulder. At this point, I couldn't hold a pen, nor draw a straight line with it. What does the next hour, day, month, or year hold for me?